Wednesday, 5 November 2014

Celebrity Day Jobs

Not content with being beautiful, famous, rich and having millions of followers on Twitter, some celebrities need a little more to do in their spare time. Behold! The phenomenon of the Celebrity Day Job.

You may be aware of Gwyneth Paltrow’s lifestyle website Goop, and perhaps you even subscribed to the newsletter – ironically - but then had to stop because you realised that juice detoxes, monogrammed linen napkins and 5-star hotels are just not really, and never will be, a part of your actual lifestyle. And maybe you’ve even - also ironically - looked at the Preserve website which contains some kind of information about life from plucky lifestyle guru upstart Blake Lively from Gossip Girl and then thought “yeah nah”. Perhaps you did those things.

But wait! There’s so much more. Celebs flashing their talents all over the place, expressing their boundless creativity, and doing random jobs that have nothing to do with their professional training. They have other skills that they want us to know about, so let’s indulge them, shall we?

Do you know that Brad Pitt, besides being a decent actor, is also a furniture designer? Sorry ladies, just because oft-voted Sexiest Man Alive on the Planet Ever designed a bed, does not mean you want to buy it.

Just look at that monstrosity! It would be a major pain in the neck to make every morning. I mean, it’s not like Brad Pitt is actually in the bed, amirite ladeeez??

Instead, why not enjoy Brad Pitt doing what he does best, which is: having abs in Fight Club.

Now, thanks to filmmaker Sofia Coppola, single serve sparkling wine in a can with a straw is a thing. Apparently it is also a thing that you can actually buy and then, presumably also drink, because OMG celebrity bubbles! If you have tasted this, please let me know in the comments section, and also let me know if it improved your ability to direct indie films because wouldn’t it be great if a drink could do that?!

Or, just watch Lost in Translation, possibly Scarlett Johansson’s last good movie, and also starring the wonderful Bill Murray, who, in real life, owns a restaurant and a baseball team which keeps him busy when he’s not wasting ghosts / reliving the same day over and over / seeking to avenge the death of his best friend who was eaten by a shark.

Speaking of ScarJo, when she’s not looking gorgeous and acting in (mostly) bad movies she also likes to sing. Can she sing? Not really! But she’s a celeb, so she does what she wants. Randomly, in 2008 she recorded an album of Tom Waits covers and even though her main job is “actress” she managed to suck all the emotion and meaning out of a bunch of great songs. If you’re new to Tom Waits, perhaps try his album Rain Dogs, one of my all-time favourite albums ever, and featuring 100% of songs not sung by a Hollywood actress.

Closer to home (but not that close, he’s an Australian, right??) is Russell Crowe who, aside from being in various bands in his spare time, recently became part owner of the South Sydney Rabbitohs, a rugby league team. So either he really likes rugby league or he intends to write a song that rhymes ‘Russell Crowe’ with ‘Rabbitoh’, which is what I suspect.

And anyone who’s anyone has a cookbook /advice guide/ diet book /children's picture book out these days. Just a quick glance at the library shelves and I spotted such gems as: Badass: a hard-earned guide to living life with style and (the right) attitude by Shannen Doherty; April loses it: lose 30 kilos in 30 weeks by April Ieremia; and Dream more: celebrate the dreamer in you by Dolly Parton. Celebs. Is there nothing they can’t do?

But my favourite example of celebrity day jobs is in the second season of the Simpsons when Homer, normally a Nuclear Safety Inspector, designs a car so shabby that it bankrupts his brother’s company:

Lesson learned: don't give up your day job.

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