Showing posts with label Jane Austen. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Jane Austen. Show all posts

Tuesday, 5 March 2013

You all deserve to die

Not YOU, my faithful reader(s). I'm talking about the people in the publishing world who really, really annoy me. The ones whom, if I were ever so slightly more psychopathological than I am, I would wish to die in creatively horrible ways. Like being sandwiched in a very large slush pile that's due for the shredder...

Here's my list. What really gets your goat?

#1 - Books starring Jane Austen, remakes of Jane Austen, retellings of Jane Austen

Jane Austen has been a vampire. She has been turned into an erotic kinkfest. Her life and works have been pawed over, warped, twisted, worn threadbare, turned into every flavour of pulp. Zombies and sea monsters have been added to them. They've been placed in a modern setting minus all the best descriptions and language of their creator. The wonderful characters who leapt off the page have been flattened into stupid, cardboard, lifeless versions of themselves in absolutely pointless "modernisations". (Oo, what if we did Persuasion, but in a school? And an office! And in space...)

Keira Knightley has overbitten her way through Elizabeth Bennet. Miniseries have been written in which someone else gets Mr Darcy. For Mansfield Park's sake, they have BROKEN up the MOST ROMANTIC COUPLE in ENGLISH LITERATURE! I am saddened to report that even "decent" authors are getting on the bandwagon. Now that P.D. James and Colleen McCullough have had their turn, they're putting out six new retellings of the novels by the likes of Joanna Trollope and Val McDermid.
Can't you see the woman's exhausted?

No more.


#2 - Twilight readalikes

If I have to give a list of books similar to this series, you'll be reading all day. Ingredients include: paranormal love triangle (involves anything from werewolves to vampires to sexy giant squid - I actually came across a gryphon the other day. Still don't get the humanoid dragon thing, and falling in love with something that's half bird, half lion is just agin' nature.)

Second ingredient: boy who seems to hate the girl, but really burns for her despite her possessing no apparent personality at all.

Third ingredient: a girl who's new to town, who doesn't have any real friends except the one totally hot guy who's keeping a secret...

Sounds familiar? Oh, it's only about 300 recent books...(The Gathering Dark is one.)

Please don't make me buy any more. I'm begging you.


#3 - Titles that are a play on the character's name

Things like Grace Under Fire or Honour Among Thieves or Saving Faith or Hope Rises or April Showers...Maybe not April Showers, it sounds like a certain kind of movie. (Actually I just checked, there is one. But it's not what you think.)

You know what I mean, anyway - books where the main character is actually called Grace, or Faith, or Hope, or Victory, or whatever. Vomitorious.




#4 - Celebrity children's books

Some celebrities can write, apparently. I'm told the Hank Zipzer books by the Fonz aren't too bad, and nor are Jamie-Lee Curtis's. On the other hand - there are Madonna and Jordan, aka Katie Price. At least Jordan doesn't actually write hers. Hilary Duff did write Elixir, starring a young woman struggling with fame, and I mean this nicely, Hilary, but please go back to reading other people's lines. Even Whoopi Goldberg, Steve Martin and Weird Al Yankovic are guilty of some crimes against literature. Funny people, but not good writers. Fifty Cent has written a book. And has anyone read Modelland by Tyra Banks?

Here's the blurb: "Awkward fifteen-year-old Tookie De La Creme is invited to join the most exclusive modeling school in the world, where she must survive the beastly Catwalk Corridor and the terrifying Thigh-High Boot Camp in order to uncover Modelland's sinister secrets."

I'm putting on my fierce face.

Look out - coming up next, Monica Seles' new series about - yep, a tennis academy. Foul.

#5 - Titles that riff on other titles (that riff on OTHER titles)

We've had Fifty Sheds of Grey, Fifty Bales of Hay, Fifty Shades of Play, Fifty Shades of Dorian Gray, Fifty Shades of Feminism, and my personal favourite, Fifty Shades of Chicken.  

Give it a bone, will you? This turkey is well and truly cooked.



Monday, 28 January 2013

The Awesomeness That Is Austen

You may have noticed a trend amongst us bloggers over the past couple of weeks - a celebration of the 200th anniversary of Pride and Prejudice, which coincidentally, is today

So it will come as no surprise that I'm going to continue that trend with a post of my own.  For me it's not so much about the books (wonderful that they are) but the screen adaptions.

Personally I'm a sucker for any romantic, period movies or TV series and Jane Austen fits the bill wonderfully.

The visuals are always beautiful, the acting top-notch and the men, generally, are swoon worthy.  Most of us (well except for Scriven who is a complete anomaly) fell in love with Colin Firth's Mr Darcy, he of the wet shirt scene, the glorious sideburns and piercing gaze...

Okay where was I... oh yes Jane Austen adaptions.

There have of course been several over the years and everyone has their favourite.  Romantic that I am, I have most of them in my DVD collection.  You can, you see, never have too much Austen, because frankly Austen is awesome.

Those words, the hidden meanings, the characters and the romance - all in one glorious package and created by woman who lived in an age where women writers were few and far between.

Pride and Prejudice is probably the most recognised of her works but her other works are just as wonderful so if you haven't caught up with the awesomeness that is Austen or just want to indulge in a romantic feast check out the following.

Wednesday, 23 January 2013

The finest of all the Mr Darcys

In celebration of the 200th anniversary of Pride and Prejudice I thought that I should do something to celebrate and what better way to celebrate than to appreciate Colin Firth. The finest of all the Mr Darcys.

Aside from the fact that Colin Firth is not at all hard to look at he's also pretty good at pretending for a living. He's well known for his signature role as the dashing, mysterious Englishman (Hope Springs, Love Actually) or the stern father figure to misbehaving children (Nanny Mcphee, St Trinian's) but he is best known for his roles as Mr Darcy. First in the BBC mini-series of Pride and Prejudice and then in Bridget Jones's Diary and it's sequel Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason.

The Mark Darcy of the Bridget Jones franchise was based on the Fitzwilliam Darcy from Pride and Prejudice and even though the latter is clearly the better of the two, Firth pulls it off completely, making grown women swoon in the process.

If you're anything like us bloggers and you want to celebrate one of the true classics of literature then have a perve at Colin Firth. I couldn't recommend him highly enough.

(And yes, I'm well aware that most of my blogs are about aesthetically pleasing male specimens).

Tuesday, 15 January 2013

Happy birthday, Pride and Prejudice!

This, ladies and gentlemen, is a Red Letter Year. Two hundred years ago this January 28, the greatest novel in the English language first appeared in print. It was, of course - Pride and Prejudice.

Originally called First Impressions, and told in the form of letters between the characters, the novel was written when Jane Austen was just 21. She then extensively revised it before getting it published more than a decade later. And it's been entertaining readers ever since, except the Brontes, whom I never could stand.

Everyone knows the first line, which I shall not repeat here. My favourite has always been "Mary wished to say something  very sensible, but knew not how". Anyone else have a favourite P&P quote?

Anyway, here for your edification is a gallimaufry of new Austen-related readings. Enjoy with a cup of chocolate.

How to Create the Perfect Wife - Wendy Moore
A true story! Thomas Day knew exactly the sort of woman he wanted to marry. Pure and virginal yet tough and hardy, she would live with him in an isolated cottage, completely subservient to his whims. As Day soon discovered, the woman of his dreams didn't exist in Georgian society, so he set out to create her. He adopted two young orphans and, guided by the writings of Jean-Jacques Rousseau and the principles of the Enlightenment, attempted to teach them to be model wives. Day hoped to eventually marry one of his wards, but the experiment inevitably backfired, though not before he had taken his theories about marriage, education, and femininity to their most shocking extremes.


Happily Ever After - Susannah Fullerton
In 2013 Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice turns 200. Again and again in polls conducted around the world, it is regularly chosen as the favourite novel of all time. Here is the tale of how it came to be written, its first reception in a world that didn't take much notice and then its growing popularity leading up to Colin Firth mania and a best-selling zombie mash-up.

Jane Austen Goes to Hollywood - Abby McDonald
Awful title, but this is a teen retelling of Sense and Sensibility. Hallie and Grace Weston have never exactly seen life eye to eye. So when their father dies and leaves everything to his new wife, forcing the girls to pack up and leave San Francisco for shiny Beverly Hills, the sisters take to their changing lot in typically different styles. Shy, responsible Grace manages to make friends with an upbeat, enterprising girl named Palmer but still yearns for her old life and the maybe-almost-crush she left behind. Meanwhile, drama queen Hallie is throwing herself headlong into life and love in L.A., spending every second with gorgeous musician Dakota and warding off the attention of brooding vet Brandon. But is Hallie blinded by the stars in her eyes? And is Grace doomed to forever hug the sidelines?

Midnight in Austenland - Shannon Hale
Divorced American Charlotte Kinder takes a trip to Regency staged Pembrook Park in Kent where she plays parlour games, learns country dances, and even lets herself be courted by her assigned suitor, the brooding, magnetic Mr. Mallery. But her vacation becomes more Northanger Abbey when she catches a fleeting glimpse of a dead body in a secret room. If you like this one, try the first Austenland as well - each is loosely inspired by a book in Jane Austen's oeuvre.

The Real Jane Austen - Paula Byrne
Paula Byrne looks through the letters and the life of our author to work out who she really was. She certainly wasn't the cosy, moralising aunt figure the Victorians tried to portray, but a more spiky, modern person whose life has never been looked at this way before.

Austensibly Ordinary - Alyssa Goodnight
Cate Kendall is no stranger to daydreams of brooding men and fancy parties - after all, she teaches one of her beloved Jane Austen novels in her English classes every year. But as for romance or adventure in her own life, the highlight of most weeks is Scrabble with her cute coworker, Ethan, and he draws the line at witty banter. But when she finds a mysterious journal that seems to have a link to the soul of the great Jane Austen herself, she knows it's her chance. And she grabs on with both hands...Before she knows it, Cate has invented an alter ego with an attitude, attended some seriously chic soirees, and gotten tangled up with a delicious mystery man. And she's uncovered enough unexpected secrets about Ethan that her Scrabble partner has taken to brooding looks and unfathomable silences. Cate could land in hot water and heartbreak - but maybe not with Jane herself to guide her...

The Missing Manuscript of Jane Austen - Syrie James
By the author of The Lost Memoirs of Jane Austen. Samantha McDonough cannot believe her eyes - or her luck. Tucked in an uncut page of a two-hundred-year old poetry book is a letter she believes was written by Jane Austen, mentioning a manuscript that "went missing at Greenbriar in Devonshire." Could there really be an undiscovered Jane Austen novel waiting to be found? Making her way to the beautiful Greenbriar estate, Samantha finds it no easy task to sell its owner, the handsome yet uncompromising Anthony Whitaker, on her wild idea of searching for a lost Austen work - until she mentions its possible million dollar value. After discovering an unattributed manuscript, Samantha and Anthony are immediately absorbed in the story of Rebecca Stanhope, daughter of a small town rector, who is about to encounter some bittersweet truths about life and love. As they read the tale from the past, a new one unfolds in the present - a story that just might change both of their lives forever.