5 handy home hints that are so easy even I got them right

"I'm not going to vacuum until Sears makes one you can ride on."
- Roseanne Barr

Real simple : 869 new uses for old things / edited by Rachel Hardage and Sharon Tanenbaum ; photographs by James Wojcik ; illustrations by Kate Francis ; prop styling by Linden Elstran.
I'm not the best homemaker. Some days I feel like I should be concerned about it, and then I think that surely life is too short to be overly fussed about how to get softdrink stains out of the settee. (That would be Mr2's fault, not mine, I'd like to point out). The other day I came across a book about the 500 wonders of baking soda. Baking. Soda. I was a bit dubious, so I requested every book we have on baking soda (don't judge me with your Judgey McJudgerson faces) and am putting some of the tips to the test. (That'll be another post for another day). AND THEN I came across THIS BOOK which, you know, I just HAD TO HAVE. (I know, I talk/think in caps far too much). I showed it to friends last night and they related the most hilarious stories. I'm keeping them anonymous BECAUSE REASONS. I think you'll get a kick out of them, though, so here are their stories, followed by 5 home hints from this book that worked for me.

Friend1: I used egg in my hair once and it really worked. It was great
Me: Egg? Or egg white?
Friend1: Egg. The whole egg *slight pause* Whatever you do, though, don't use hot water to rinse it out because...
Me: No. No way. OMG no way. Scrambled eggs?! *trying not to laugh*
Friend1: Look...
Me: SCRAMBLED EGGS? You had scrambled eggs in your hair? *doubled over screaming with laughter* (Because I'm sympathetic like that, obviously)
Friend1: Well, yes, but, yes. YES *snooty look*
Me: *beyond words*

Friend2: I read somewhere once that if you need to get into tight shoes you take a bar of soap and run it around your heels and feet...
Me: *interrupts* Dry or wet?
Friend2: Dry. Anyway, you run it around your feet and then you can slide into your tight shoes easier
*all of us kinda pause and think about that*
Friend2: I've never done it, though, because I think my feet sweat so much I'd be worried that I'd leave a trail of bubbles wherever I go
Me: WTH? *doubled over - AGAIN - hooting with laughter*

Seriously, I'm not sure why people tell me anything because it either ends up in a blog post (albeit anonymously), or with me laughing at them. Mostly, both. SO! There's your dose of humour for the day. I'm not Suzie Homemaker. I'm never going to be. I can't say that I'm going to mourn that fact, either. Simple tips, though, like these, are things that I can manage quite happily. Maybe I'll make something like this a regular monthly post. What do you think?

Onion
You can use an onion to clear the air in a dank basement - simply cut it in half, pop it on a plate, and leave it out in the room overnight. Our house is horrifically cold and a couple of the rooms smell like that all the time. Tried it and it was much better the next day. (I did have a moment where I wondered if I could have chucked some lettuce and salad fixings on top and eaten it. I didn't).

Lemon
Remove stains from a cutting board using lemon juice - rub the board down with the juice, let it sit for roughly 20 minutes, and then rinse the board. (Don't do what I did and leave the other lemons out where Mr2 can reach them, eat them, gag, pull the sour face and spit it back up).

Baking soda
Remove crayon and pencil scribbles from painted surfaces - simply sprinkle a little baking soda on a damp sponge and use it to wipe it clean. Having a child in the house who doesn't quite understand, yet, why he should confine his scribbles to his purposely bought Handy Dandy Notebook is a bit of a challenge. To put it lightly. So I tested this little tip out the other day and how glad am I that it worked? No more crayon scribble on the doors.

Olive oil
Unstick stubborn zippers - run a cotton swab with a drop of olive oil over the teeth. Pathetic story coming up: I came back from New Orleans end of February. I still keep a set of clothes in one of the travel bags I bought back. (I had to buy another two bags over there because I bought so many THINGS they couldn't fit in my own bag ahem). I refuse to unpack them totally because it's an admission that my holiday is over. And I'm not quite ready to let go of it. ANYWAY, the zipper sticks something chronic, and I play tug of war when I need to get things out of it. (Things that I later wash and fold and put back - I know, bizarre). Thankfully, now it zips like a dream. (If I dreamed of zips, that is). And no, I haven't unpacked the bag. (You can also do this with soap - run the bar along the zipper teeth).

Sugar
Remove grease from your hands much more easily - rub with moistened sugar. Worked like a charm.