I am not a man. I don't say that to surprise people, or even to surprise myself. I say it because...it's true. I'm not a man. And yet I was still disappointed to find that I failed some (most) of the questions in Dodenhoff's book The man test: How manly are you? Apparently, not very. Not at all, actually. It wasn't that I expected to pass them all. It's that I hate to fail a test. Any test. It doesn't matter if the test isn't really meant for me, I just don't want to fail it. I daresay it's a hangover from being somewhat (a whole chunk) of a girly swot as a toddler/child/teen/adult. Don't let my psuedo-failings stop you from reading the book, though. I was greatly entertained by some of the questions, even if my answers were (more often than not) a variation of, "There's no way you'd catch me there in the first place so that doesn't apply." Dodenhoff's book is more about being prepared for whatever life can throw at you - weddings, domestic skills, negotiating job salary, etc. What was it John Lennon said? "Life is what happens when you're making other plans." Amen. So, maybe I won't end up being chased by a bear, and maybe I won't ever need to know what a master cylinder is, but it doesn't hurt that I read about it. Test over, and I am no closer to being a man. Perhaps you'll do better than I did :) Here are five (only five - I couldn't put the whole book here) questions I failed...
What's the best way to remove a tick?
Tosca's comment: I don't have ticks. Ever. I think. I'm not sure what ticks are! And my tweezers don't touch anything except my eyebrows. Ever. There was no girly option of: WHY ARE THERE TICKS? THAT'S GROSS AND DISGUSTING!
Which side of the boat is the port?
Tosca's comment: Wait! What? Boat sides aren't called 'left' and 'right' even though they *are* on the left and the right? Why wouldn't you call them 'left' and 'right' if that's what they are? And isn't port a type of alcohol? Or a place where you park your boat? (Is it called 'parking'?). This is a man thing, isn't it? It so is. It just has to be.
One of the best days to negotiate a car purchase at a dealer is the:
Tosca's comment: I'm unsure if this is a trick question, or an American-centric one. I know if women talk about a 'day of the month' it's never in a good way, so I'm unsure if it's a good thing if men talk about one/have one. Is there such a thing as a best day to buy a car? If I want something, no matter the day, I just go buy it. That, to me, is more logical.
You're camping and a terrible lightning storm erupts. How can you avoid being struck?
Tosca's comment: I'm sorry. What? You lost me at 'camping.' I seem to have blanked out at the thought of camping. I haven't camped since I was a child. It involved tents, sharing spaces, sleeping on the ground, making toast by running a twig through a slice of bread and holding it over a fire, washing in freezing cold local creeks and rain, egad, so much rain. These days, my idea of 'roughing it' means there's no tv in the motel/hotel room. Where's *that* option...?
Suddenly, and without warning, a shark attacks. What should you do?
Tosca's comment: Why are we in shark infested water? Who does that on purpose? Did nobody watch Jaws? I watched Jaws. I read the book, too. End result: I don't do beaches since. Never. You check our family beach photos and there's Tosca parked up under a tree with a book. And eww I am not touching one!