Friday, 18 November 2011

5 questions I failed in 'The Man Test: How Manly Are You?'

List by Tosca

I am not a man. I don't say that to surprise people, or even to surprise myself. I say it's true. I'm not a man. And yet I was still disappointed to find that I failed some (most) of the questions in Dodenhoff's book The man test: How manly are you? Apparently, not very. Not at all, actually. It wasn't that I expected to pass them all. It's that I hate to fail a test. Any test. It doesn't matter if the test isn't really meant for me, I just don't want to fail it. I daresay it's a hangover from being somewhat (a whole chunk) of a girly swot as a toddler/child/teen/adult. Don't let my psuedo-failings stop you from reading the book, though. I was greatly entertained by some of the questions, even if my answers were (more often than not) a variation of, "There's no way you'd catch me there in the first place so that doesn't apply." Dodenhoff's book is more about being prepared for whatever life can throw at you - weddings, domestic skills, negotiating job salary, etc. What was it John Lennon said? "Life is what happens when you're making other plans." Amen. So, maybe I won't end up being chased by a bear, and maybe I won't ever need to know what a master cylinder is, but it doesn't hurt that I read about it. Test over, and I am no closer to being a man. Perhaps you'll do better than I did :) Here are five (only five - I couldn't put the whole book here) questions I failed...

What's the best way to remove a tick?
  • Apply alcohol, nail polish, or petroleum jelly to the tick and it will remove itself
  • Using tweezers, grasp the tick's body and pull out while twisting
  • Light a match, and touch the tick's body
  • Using tweezers, grasp the tick's body and pull out without twisting

  • Tosca's comment: I don't have ticks. Ever. I think. I'm not sure what ticks are! And my tweezers don't touch anything except my eyebrows. Ever. There was no girly option of: WHY ARE THERE TICKS? THAT'S GROSS AND DISGUSTING!

    Which side of the boat is the port?
  • left
  • right

  • Tosca's comment: Wait! What? Boat sides aren't called 'left' and 'right' even though they *are* on the left and the right? Why wouldn't you call them 'left' and 'right' if that's what they are? And isn't port a type of alcohol? Or a place where you park your boat? (Is it called 'parking'?). This is a man thing, isn't it? It so is. It just has to be.

    One of the best days to negotiate a car purchase at a dealer is the:
  • 1st day of a month
  • 15th day of a month
  • Last day of a month
  • Doesn't matter

  • Tosca's comment: I'm unsure if this is a trick question, or an American-centric one. I know if women talk about a 'day of the month' it's never in a good way, so I'm unsure if it's a good thing if men talk about one/have one. Is there such a thing as a best day to buy a car? If I want something, no matter the day, I just go buy it. That, to me, is more logical.

    You're camping and a terrible lightning storm erupts. How can you avoid being struck?
  • Scrunch down in the open, away from your tent
  • Seek shelter in a shallow cave
  • Lie down in your tent
  • Scrunch down on your sleeping pad
  • Sit or lie at the base of a tree

  • Tosca's comment: I'm sorry. What? You lost me at 'camping.' I seem to have blanked out at the thought of camping. I haven't camped since I was a child. It involved tents, sharing spaces, sleeping on the ground, making toast by running a twig through a slice of bread and holding it over a fire, washing in freezing cold local creeks and rain, egad, so much rain. These days, my idea of 'roughing it' means there's no tv in the motel/hotel room. Where's *that* option...?

    Suddenly, and without warning, a shark attacks. What should you do?
  • Repeatedly hit the shark on the snout
  • Don't try to fight, just swim away as fast as possible
  • Repeatedly jab your hand into the shark's gills and/or eyes
  • Play dead

  • Tosca's comment: Why are we in shark infested water? Who does that on purpose? Did nobody watch Jaws? I watched Jaws. I read the book, too. End result: I don't do beaches since. Never. You check our family beach photos and there's Tosca parked up under a tree with a book. And eww I am not touching one!


    Zealous Girl said...

    So what were the answers to those 5 questions?

    catatonia said...

    Hi de hi :-) Trust me to forget the answers! They are:
    5. D - Using tweezers, grasp the tick's body and pull out without twisting.
    4. A - Left.
    3. C - Last day of a month.
    2. D - Scrunch down on your sleeping pad.
    1. C - Repeatedly jab your hand into the shark's gills and/or eyes.

    How did you do?

    Zealous Girl said...

    I got the Port one right. Funnily enough the men I asked as well got the same answers I got but not the correct ones ;-)