The Axe Factor - nominate your contestants

It's hard to stand out from the crowd as an author. When there are fifty million other people all trying to make it in print, and now on their own blogs as well, how on earth do you get yourself noticed?

One way, of course, is to write something so kinkily filthy it outrages all demands of decency, plot, dialogue or character and makes a splash in the papers. Not mentioning any trilogies in particular.

The other way, of course, is to introduce a character so twisted, so monumentally and memorably evil, that it attracts an audience like a fire at the Playboy Mansion. Hannibal Lecter, I'm looking at you.

Mr The Cannibal aside, who is your favourite (or most hated) villain? Who sticks in your mind from all the nasties you've encountered? Now I read, or at least test-drive, more than 100 books a year. I really tried to squeeze my brain, but in fact, it wasn't the killers who got in my head so much as the general feeling of horror. I remember being positively sickened while reading Mo Hayder - but can I recall anything about the murderer? Nope.

Film villains are a dime a dozen. The T1000, Hans Gruber and the Joker are easy to remember, as are any of the Disney crew. No one does high camp like Disney - I can only think of the Bond villains to match them in literature. Anyone help?

Please - no spoilers if the villain's identity is supposed to be a secret!

Here are a few of my most memorable:

Death and the Devil - The Angel of Death Set in Cologne in 1260, this book has it all - battles between town and church, a crew of misfits out of their depth, and a shadowy killer with an even darker purpose: "a mysterious man with remarkable speed, strength, and intelligence, hiding dark secrets that have stripped away his humanity and turned him into a cruel, efficient hired assassin who favors a miniature crossbow as his weapon of choice." In fact, he's so efficient at winkling people out, even in a crowd, they call him the Angel of Death.


Flesh House - The Flesher On the creep factor scale, this guy has to be at least an eight. People are going missing, and a lot of fresh meat is suddenly hitting the market. The Flesher makes Hannibal look like a born-again vegan...Avoid this book if you like a nice gentle cosy with a glass of sav blanc. MacBride's best wine match is a bottle of Drano. In fact, this is one of those books it's best to read on an empty stomach.




Rivers of London - Mr Punch Mr Punch is an entity that possesses people and makes them kill one another in extremely violent and horrific ways akin to Punch and Judy. Then makes their faces explode. If that isn't something out of the ordinary, I don't really know what is. In case you haven't guessed, this is a fantasy novel - it's set in modern London, and written by one of the contributors to Doctor Who. Punch makes Daleks that fall over when trying to climb stairs look even more lame.



The Rook - Gestalt How's this for original - a creature that is actually one person inhabiting four bodies? Three of them are male and one is female, and their relationship is way too close for comfort. I don't think it spoils anything much to say how sinister Gestalt is, and that's not even describing its personality. Deeply, deeply creepy.





Johannes Cabal, the Necromancer - Johannes Cabal That's right, like Dexter, this is a villain who gets to be the star. Johannes is memorable for being almost completely amoral, willing to trick 100 unwitting victims into signing their souls over to the Devil in order to redeem his own. In this he is assisted by a troupe of the undead, some of whom are getting greener by the day. You'll be dragged into his story, which has elements of both comedy and tragedy, just to see how far Johannes will go.



Tell No One - Eric Wu The old-school Fu Manchu type, (in fact, add Fu Manchu to this list, would you please?), torturing his victims with bare hands and dead eyes until their innards are well and truly pulped. Although the book's "true" villain was arguably the rich philanthropist who funded Mr Wu's efforts, he was completely outshone by his goon. Mistake, mate.


 
 
Top children's villains include:
 Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix - Voldemort (or is it?) I picked my favourite title, as it was a close call between Voldemort (who frankly lucked into the Oscar-worthy role) and the traitor Wormtail, Bellatrix Lestrange or the truly foul Dolores Umbridge. Voldemort may be a hideously deformed, murdering snake-whisperer with a soul in smithereens, but he doesn't wear pink cardies or make you do lines that etch into your skin. Nor does he torture people into madness while cackling maniacally. Disappointing. 



The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe - The White Witch Aka Jadis, this is one nasty lady. She turns anyone who defies her into stone, and crucifies animals. She also delights in corrupting children and turning friends and family against one another. Although I also rate the Lady of the Green Kirtle from The Silver Chair, who kidnaps the heir to the throne and attempts to feed the children to giants, and when that doesn't work, tries to bewitch them into believing Narnia isn't real. Who could do a thing like that?



The Red Necklace - Count Kalliovski A real gothic creep, Count Kalliovski's favourite pastime is offering loans to impoverished noblemen so he can collect their secrets and blackmail them into doing his bidding. Half the gentry of pre-Revolution France are in thrall to him, and those he doesn't control, he kills, placing a red ribbon around their throats to make it look like they've been cut. Oh, and did I mention he can control objects with his magical powers, and tries to force a 12-year-old girl to marry him? Freak with a capital F-f-f-f.


And those are just the ones that lodged in my brain. There are of course creepier villains out there, including the British Government (read The Dying Light), and I am relying on you to tell me who they are!

P.S. Plays are cheating.