The quiet power of introverts

A lot of people meet me and think I'm an extrovert. I can be loud, gregarious and a bit over the top. And for a long time, I would have wholeheartedly agreed that I was an extrovert. My family is full of extroverts, so I learnt how to "be" by following their model of behaviour.

However I was often grumpy and exhausted after hours of chatter and adventures, wondering why I was so damn tired all the time. Why couldn't I keep up with the energy of my family? I just pushed through and persevered, and probably did a not-very-good job of showing my grumpiness (I was a hormonal teenager after all).

Turns out it wasn't anything medical related, I was actually an introvert hanging out with extroverts all the time. And while they were all thriving in a busy, energetic, talkative environment, I was just longing for some peace and quiet to sleep and recharge my energy levels.

Growing up, I didn't actually know what the terms really meant. I know now that not all introverts are shy, and not all extroverts are in your face. In reality, it's all about where you draw your energy from to be who you are. So, ask yourself these two key questions :

1. Do you draw strength and energy from interacting with other people? (extrovert)
2. Do you recharge by taking time out from other people to be by yourself? (introvert)

Your answer might be a surprise to you. Now ask yourself about your family, your kids, your partner, your co-workers, your boss. As the introvert child of two extroverts, I'd ask gently that you try to see the world through your children's eyes. It might make sense of some of their behaviours if you see them as extroverts or introverts.

Introverts can be gregarious and enthusiastic and full of fizz, as long as they can also balance that with having time out to recharge. Extroverts do sometimes need time away from other people, even if it is just to sleep before they charge off on their next adventure.

Two books opened my eyes and changed my way of thinking :

• The introvert advantage : how to thrive in an extrovert world by Marti Olsen Laney
• Quiet : the power of introverts in a world that can't stop talking by Susan Cain

So I can finally admit that I am definitely an introvert, who grew up in an extrovert family, and I've learnt how to survive in the extroverted world. But it's been such a relief to know that it isn't unusual to need time and space away from other people to recharge my batteries, to think things through and to regroup by myself.

I'm different from the rest of my family, but they are learning to live with me needing time out to regroup rather than just ploughing on with the rest of them. Vive la différence.